Thankfully, after much trial and tribulation, I ordered a pair of Sorel boots. From their retro chic styling to their waterproof materials, they are the epitome of fashion meets function. Most importantly, Sorel boots lace up, so they (drumroll please) ADJUST!
Inclement weather, beware: now I will not fall or slip and my feet will stay warm and dry. When I get indoors, I will be able to take these boots off without hopping on one leg and inevitably falling over to release the vacuum of suction that has left an indent on my leg! Hooray! I'm sure not sorry about Sorel!